By: Jane McIntosh
Christmas is often portrayed as a season of joy—twinkling lights, gathering around tables, exchanging gifts and laughter. But for many people, the holiday period amplifies the very opposite: grief, loneliness and isolation. When everyone else seems wrapped in celebration, those who are grieving can experience a heightened sense of emotional distance. If you’re facing this season with a heavy heart, you’re far from alone, and there are gentle ways to support yourself through it.
Why Christmas Intensifies Grief and Loneliness?
Christmas is full of rituals, memories, and expectations. It’s a time of year that tends to highlight who is no longer here or what has changed. A chair at the table sits empty; traditions feel altered; the absence of a familiar voice becomes louder. Even for people who don’t celebrate Christmas, the societal pressure to be cheerful can feel overwhelming.
Allow Yourself to Feel What You Feel
A common myth around Christmas is that you should feel merry. But emotions don’t follow the calendar. Grief can feel sharper at this time of year, and loneliness can feel heavier. Give yourself permission to feel sadness, anger, numbness, longing or anything else that arises. Suppressing emotions usually intensifies them; acknowledging them helps create space for healing. Know your emotions are valid.
Set Realistic Expectations
You don’t have to keep the traditions or obligations that no longer serve you. If large gatherings feel too painful, you have permission to decline. If being alone feels easier than pretending to be cheerful, choose what brings you the most peace.
Setting boundaries is not selfish; it’s self-respect. If you need a quiet day, a simplified Christmas or a complete reshaping of the season, that’s entirely acceptable. It is important to have a plan- even if in the end you change it.
Create New Rituals—Big or Small
While you can’t replace what’s been lost, new rituals can help ground you and bring meaning to an otherwise difficult time. Some ideas include:
- Light a candle in honour of your loved one.
- Write them a letter, expressing what you love about them or remember.
- Choose a new ornament that reminds you of the one you miss.
- Visit your special place or listen to a piece of music that feels comforting.
- Donate to a cause in your loved one’s name. Choose a charity they would have supported.
- Volunteer in your loved one’s memory.
Reach Out, Even a Little
Isolation can make it harder to ask for support, yet most people genuinely want to help if they know you’re struggling. Reaching out doesn’t mean pouring out your whole story. It can be as small as sending a message to a friend, joining a support group, or attending a community event where you can simply be present without pressure.
Take Care of Your Body to Support Your Mind
Emotional pain is physically exhausting. Simple acts-drinking enough water, eating regularly, getting some fresh air, exercising, or resting when you need to—can help steady your nervous system. Be sure to avoid or minimize alcohol, which may contribute to sleep disturbances, and fuels anxiety. Develop small routines, which prevent days from blending into each other and offer a sense of grounding.
Seek Support if You Need It
There’s nothing weak about needing extra help. Counsellors, therapists, grief groups, helplines and faith leaders are familiar with the intensity of holiday loneliness and grief. Reaching out to a professional can provide a safe space to process feelings without pressure or judgment. Check out our bereavement programs at SHOAL by calling 778-351-1446.
A Final Thought
If this Christmas feels heavy, remember that it’s just one moment in time—not a measure of your worth, your strength, or your future. Grief and loneliness don’t mean failure; they mean you’re human. You’re carrying something significant, and you deserve compassion—especially from yourself.
The lights of the season may feel distant, but even in the darkest winter, light can return slowly, quietly, in ways you might not even expect. Hold on. You’re doing better than you think.